


Platonic

by EmrysBeard



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Clothes Sharing, Collab, F/M, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Jealousy, M/M, Smut, handjobs, pastel!dan, punk!phil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:21:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9121306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmrysBeard/pseuds/EmrysBeard
Summary: Dan's not gay for histotally platonic 100% straightbest friend.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Somanydestiel: WORKING WITH EMILY IS SO MUCH FUN SHE'S GREAT AND I LOVE HER AND YOU SHOULD ALL READ HER STUFF + cheeky plug if you're subscribed to emily but not me// Really though, this was so much fun and I loved writing this and her ideas are all A++ top notch! For reference, I wrote Dan and she wrote Phil

It was a cold, winter’s day when Phil arrived home for break. His university seemed to have stamped some of the Christmas spirit out of him, so he was glad to arrive home where he could smell his mum’s gingerbread recipe cooking, and see the tree sparkling in the window. Slinging his rucksack over his shoulder, he started to head for the door, when a little blur of color caught his eye. Moments later, Phil’s face took on a happy grin as he spotted his childhood friend and neighbor, Dan, hurrying toward him. Dan was a little younger than Phil, just finishing up his last year of high school, and Phil couldn't help but giggle at how excited Dan always seemed when he got to see his older friend.

“Phil!” He cheered, wrapping his arms around Phil tightly. “I missed you… Don’t leave for uni for so long without visiting me!”

“Hey.” Phil flashed a grin. He gave Dan a one armed hug as he shouldered his rucksack and swept his dyed black hair out of his eyes. “I missed you too, Dan. Of course, I get your messages and try to reply best I can, so it's not like we haven't talked at all. Still, it does seem like a long time, huh? How's life at home? Do you think my mum will be scandalized when she notices my new piercing?” Phil’s tongue flicked out of his mouth for a moment to indicate the small ring on his lip. “I see you're the same goody two shoes who my mum adores and will tell me to take after!”

“Maybe. And I’m not a goody two shoes! I’ll have you know that I didn’t do my homework last week,” Dan said, a blush rising to his face at the memory of exactly _why_ he hadn’t done it and hoped Phil didn’t notice. “So I don’t have a perfect grade in English anymore.”

“Aw, you're too cute,” Phil laughed kindly, giving Dan another one armed hug and ruffling his hair. “Skipping a homework assignment, what a rebel, huh? Come on, I'd best go inside. Come with me and maybe we can keep my mum from having a little meltdown when she sees my lip. She's always on her best behavior around you. Come on, rebel.” Phil joked, leading Dan into the living room.

Dan followed Phil inside, said hello to his mother, and went upstairs with Phil to his old room. Everything was exactly as it had been left when Phil went away to uni, including the broken CD on the desk that Phil didn’t feel like cleaning up at the time. The first thing Dan did was throw himself down onto Phil’s bed, eyes shut, feeling like he was home again for the first time in forever. He really had missed Phil, and it looked like winter vacation would actually be fun.

“Well, you certainly made yourself right at home,” Phil chuckled, throwing his stuff aside and turning to fiddle with a lamp that needed fixing. “You're just like Lexi, can make yourself at home anywhere.” With his back turned, Phil didn't notice the way Dan suddenly sat up, his face confused.

“Who- who’s Lexi?” Dan asked, pulling the sleeves of his sweater over his hands. _Did Phil get a girlfriend or something?_ He really hoped Phil hadn’t, but in all honesty, Dan didn’t even know if Phil was gay. Hell, Dan didn’t know if he himself was gay. All that he really knew in that moment was that his stomach did a somersault and he was suddenly angry at the prospect of Phil having a girlfriend.

“Oh, I didn't tell you about Lexi? She's my girlfriend.” Phil said, giving up on the lamp and spinning to look at Dan. He laughed softly when he saw Dan’s face, and he came over to sit beside Dan. “Hey, don't look like your dog just died or something; you'll get one one of these days. After all, you're cute, a girl is sure to fall for you sooner or later. Hopefully a girl like Lexi. She's kind of small and soft like you, she wears cute jumpers and hair ribbons like you, and just like you, she doesn't seem to mind my dyed hair or leathers. You know maybe if you were a girl, I'd date you!” Phil laughed, ruffling Dan’s hair again.

“Yeah, she uh, she sounds cool,” Dan said, trying not to cry. Once again, he didn’t understand why, but it hurt nonetheless. “Let’s talk about something else, yeah?”

“I mean, sure,” Phil shrugged, rolling his eyes a bit. “Poor kid, you really must want a girlfriend or something. Don't look so down, huh? You make me want to cry! Hey, why don't we take a walk down to the park? I've got my stuff in here, and that's what we always used to do on the first day of winter break, remember? Come on, let’s go kid.”

Phil helped Dan up and lead the way downstairs, explaining to his mum, and then they were out, Phil rambling about this and that, and chuckling at how Dan looked up with his usual raptured stare.

The whole way to the park, Dan kept his hands in his sleeves so that he could clench his fists without Phil noticing. Ever since they were little kids, Dan and Phil had started off break by going to this rundown park not too far from their houses. Right next to the park was this weird not-quite forest, and one of the trees had a hollow in it that Dan and Phil kept food and stuff in. When they get there, Dan went straight to the tree and pulled out some things he had put in there a couple weeks ago, to make sure they weren’t eating anything that had gone bad.

“Light a fire or something, please, I have s'more stuff,” Dan said, digging the bag of marshmallows out from the bottom of the hole.

“Aw, you stocked up? You really are too cute,” Phil chuckled. He gathered a few stones for a fire ring, and then snatched a lighter from his pocket. After a moment, a little fire started up, so Phil pulled Dan to the ground to start on the marshmallows. A cool breeze flew through the trees, making the smaller boy shiver, so Phil shed his coat and wrapped it around Dan’s arms with a gentle smile. One thing about Phil was that with dyed black hair, eyeliner, leather clothes and piercings he looked intimidating, but inside he had a heart of silver, if not gold. Beaming, he giggled as the coat draped over Dan making him look even smaller, Phil’s coat’s broad shoulder making Dan look almost petite.

Pulling the jacket tighter around his shoulders, Dan leaned into Phil. “Thanks. Make yourself useful and make these,” he paused to grab two sticks from the dirt, “Safe to eat off of. Like, carve them, or something, I don’t know.”

“You just assume I have something to carve these with? I'm a pacifist, you know, but lucky for you I still carry this around,” Phil winked, before brandishing a huge black pocket knife and starting in on making the sticks into fire pokers. “So, Danny, what have you been up to that you're not telling me? You have that… Way about you, the one where you pull your sleeves down over your hands and bite your cheek a lot. As cute as it is, I don't want you to bite your tongue on accident, so spill.”

Dan lied, “Nothing,” and opened the bag of marshmallows, popping one into his mouth and holding another out for Phil to eat. There were way too many marshmallows for the amount of chocolate they had, so Dan figured it would be fine.

Phil watched as Dan’s cheeks turned a bit red as he spoke, but Phil didn't comment on it, choosing instead to chuckle as Dan attempted to chew the huge marshmallow. Somehow, Dan seemed different this year. The way his cheeks painted themselves pink and his eyelashes fluttered shyly seemed different, and Phil suddenly made a resolve to find out exactly what was going on with Dan. As Phil bit at his own marshmallow, he found his eyes slowly being drawn toward Dan’s very pink lips stretched around the marshmallow, but Phil blinked and Dan swallowed, looking absolutely normal and tiny as always, and so Phil shook his head as he tried to clear whatever strange, foreign thought had come into his mind for just a moment.

“Tickle fight!” Phil suddenly declared, hoping that their old game would clear his brain, and he began to tickle Dan’s stomach, grinning as Dan began to giggle hysterically as Phil’s hands ran over his ribcage.

“No fair!” Dan shrieked, pushing Phil back by his shoulders. He simply wasn’t strong enough, and Phil ended up tackling Dan to the ground. “You’re bigger than me,” He complained, and kept fighting against the tickles. Suddenly, Phil grabbed Dan’s wrists in one hand and pinned them above his head and tickled his sides with his free hand. “Wait, Phil-” Dan’s stopped laughing and now had a dark blush across his nose and cheeks. “Get off of me,” he demanded.

“Why? You scared of the tickle monster?” Phil joked, however when he looked down and saw Dan’s face, he froze, confused by how suddenly Dan’s joking attitude had dissolved. Phil immediately let Dan’s wrists go, and he was about to sit back when his leg brushed against something. His heart pounding, Phil blanched, his eyes traveling slowly downwards before he abruptly backed up, away from Dan, swallowing hard, his eyes darting about like a frightened deer as he seemed to look everywhere except for at Dan.

“Thanks,” Dan muttered, bringing his knees to his chest. “Here, let’s start roasting the marshmallows.

Silently, Dan and Phil both poked their marshmallows onto the sticks Phil carved and held them over the small fire. When the edges were a soft golden brown, Dan opened the chocolate and graham crackers so that they could make their s’mores. The usual treat tasted like sand in Dan’s mouth. By some miracle, they had gone years as friends without ever dealing with that, but now, it had happened. After they finish eating, Dan opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again, and pulled Phil’s jacket tighter around him.

“Um… Hey,” Phil cleared his throat suddenly. Although he usually loved s’mores, Phil’s stomach felt slightly off, and he chewed his lip before continuing. “Hey, Dan, uh, maybe we should be heading home? It's going to get dark soon and-” Phil broke off when Dan looked up with a stricken face, his deep brown eyes suddenly filled with something that made Phil’s heart pang. Phil’s tongue flicked out in a nervous habit, licking at his piercing, before he suddenly stood, his stomach revolting angrily. “Dan I… I should go.”

“Yeah- yeah, of course, I- I’ll talk to you later.” With those words hanging in the air, Dan ran off, blushing, embarrassed, and still a little unsure of why the fact that Phil was with Lexi made him so upset.

Phil watched him go, a strange aching tug in his chest, before he ran his hands through his hair and stamped out the fire. Dan had always been sort of a younger, adorable, hanger on in Phil’s mind. He cared a lot about Dan, but at the same time, Dan had always just been like a little brother. Now, however, something was stirring in Phil’s chest that he knew was probably completely wrong. Shaking his head, he began to clean up the snacks that Dan had left littered on the ground.

A strange nagging in Phil’s mind wouldn't leave him alone, so he made a resolve. Tomorrow he was going to confront Dan and find out exactly what was going on with his younger friend. When he found out, maybe he'd feel better and the strange stirring in his own chest would go away. Once Dan admitted he already must have a girlfriend, and that's why he was acting so blushy and embarrassed, then maybe Phil’s own mind would clean up and he wouldn't have to worry anymore. Nodding, Phil began to tromp home. After all, he couldn't have Dan acting like this in a couple days when his University friends came for a visit. They were a lot rougher than Phil, and there was no way Phil would let Dan act like this around them.

As soon as he arrived home, Dan ran upstairs and locked himself in his room, taking a moment to realize _Oh my god, I just got a boner from being pinned down by a totally platonic best friend._ He also realized _holy shit it’s still there_. So what did Dan, a horny teenager do? He pushed his skinny jeans down to his ankles and fell onto his bed, wrapping his hand around his dick and slowly stroking, thumbing over the slit occasionally. He bit his hand to stifle the moans that threatened to come out. Dan stopped long enough to grab some lube from his bedside drawer and coat his fingers in it, slipping two in at once, as he’s still stretched some from the night before.

“Phil,” he whined, and then once again had a moment of realization that yes, he did just moan his _totally platonic_ best friend’s name while getting off. Before he had a chance to think too deeply about this, however, Dan’s worst possible scenario came true. There was a knock at the door, and then it was opening.

“Hey Dan, your mom says it’s dinner time. Time for you to stop working on your book report or whatever it is goody two shoes like you do. Besides, I heard you talking about me just now, so I know you're on the phone to a friend or something, you can't fool me!” Phil’s voice was suddenly at the door, and without knocking Phil pushed the door open, entered, and stared.

Phil didn't even realise that his jaw had dropped until he realised that he should close it. Both boys were frozen stiff in this moment, Dan looking absolutely horrified, and Phil just staring, and staring, and staring. Phil’s lips were suddenly very dry, and he licked them slowly, breath caught in his chest and making him feel lightheaded. Without his approval, his eyes glided from Dan’s sweaty, curling hair, down to Dan’s small hands which were slippery and had frozen like the rest of him, and then down to stare at the somehow most shocking thing of all. Dan had been wearing pink, lacy panties, not boxers.

“You're, uh, not working on a book report, are you?” Phil spoke slowly, forcing his eyes back up to Dan’s face and trying his absolute hardest not to let them linger too long in any one place. “And you, uh, weren't talking to a friend on the phone, either.”

A moment more of silence passed before Dan seemed to snap to action. “Get out!” He shouted, and grabbed his duvet and pulled it over his lap, blushing even more and fighting back tears from the embarrassment.

“Uh, right, yeah,” Phil forced out, before stumbling out of the room, his mind trying to catch up with what he'd just seen. Staggering, Phil suddenly sat down hard on the floor, leaning against the door in shock, when he heard something from the other side of the door that made Phil’s breath catch. Was Dan… Crying? Phil’s mind still far behind the situation, he stood and swallowed, easing the door open again. “Uh… Dan? Are you okay? Are you… Covered?”

“Go away.”

On the other side of the door, Dan was sitting with his head in his hands, full on sobbing and trying to keep quiet so Phil didn’t here, but it was a bit late for that. To make matters worse, Phil’s jacket was on his bed where it had slipped off of his shoulders. The door opened and Dan didn’t bother to say anything else, just kept his face hidden in and kept crying.

“Hey, hey I'm not going to go away and leave you like this,” Phil murmured, timidly stepping into the room. Dan looked so tiny curled up on the bed, his shoulders shaking with the force of his sobs. Edging forward, Phil flinched as he pulled his coat back around Dan’s shoulders, and Dan yanked himself away from Phil’s touch. “Hey, hey, it's okay Danny. Dan, what… What am I missing? I must be missing something, Dan?”

“D- don’t touch me,” Dan cries, managing to curl up even more, wiping the lube off of his fingers on the underside of his duvet to retain at least some of his dignity.

“Okay, okay I won't,” Phil agreed quickly, however he sat down on the bed beside the younger boy. He hesitated, before he opened his mouth again. For a moment no words came out, and then a bunch of words came spilling from Phil’s mouth. “Dan, you're a sweet kid and I know you've always been a bit sheltered, but clearly not as sheltered as I thought, but I mean, it's okay, okay? If you're, uh, if you like boys. I mean, I don't know how much you know but what you were doing usually happens when you like boys and I just mean that if you have a boyfriend it's okay, but you said Phil but maybe I heard you wrong. Uh, I mean I know you've always liked your cute little jumpers but I didn't want to jump to conclusion and I just mean… Do you always wear lacy pa-um-I mean, never mind.” Phil snapped his mouth shut, swallowing hard. For perhaps the first time in Phil’s life he felt very out of his depth.

“Nice word vomit,” Dan said weakly, finally managing to stem the flow of tears. “And I know it’s okay to like boys, I just- I don’t like boys. I don’t think I like boys. I- I’m sorry, I… I’m sorry.”

“No, I'm sorry, Dan. I, uh, yeah,” Phil cleared his throat suddenly. “You don't like boys? Right. Of course not. Same. Obviously. Since I have a girlfriend. I've never liked boys, but if you liked boys I wouldn't mind. But, uh… Yeah. Dan, are you okay? I mean, you could hurt yourself if you're not careful. I wouldn't want you to do it wrong.” Phil spoke, eyes traveling lower again, against his better judgement, however he snapped his head back up when he heard another little sob come out of Dan’s mouth.

Around his tears, Dan bit out, “I’m not stupid, Phil. I’ve done it before.” Then he cried harder because he just admitted it out loud, and finally he allowed Phil to pull him close and comfort him. His hands curled in Phil’s shirt to have something to hold onto while he tried to compose himself.

“Hey, hey, it's going to be alright,” Phil murmured softly, his voice going into autodrive, his hands running over Dan’s back, rubbing it comfortingly, and yet the normally innocent act somehow seemed suddenly electric or dirty to Phil, and he swore softly to himself, trying in vain to stop thinking about the lacy pink panties which were still scattered on the ground. Shivering suddenly, Phil pushed these thoughts out of his mind, trying instead to focus on comforting his friend. After a moment, Phil’s head ducked down, eyes locking on Dan’s closed eyelashes.

Sniffling, Dan let Phil attempt to comfort him, but still felt terrible. His _totally 100% platonic friend whom he is not gay for_ just walked in on him fingering himself and moaning Phil’s name, and he was mortified, understandably so. “I’m sorry,” he apologized again.

“Dan, no, it's okay,” Phil murmured, wrapping his arms around the boy, one hand reaching down to wipe at Dan’s tears. “Please, don't apologize, Danny. You didn't do anything wrong. Maybe you should cover up again, though?” When Phil said this, he tried to play it off as general dignity, however there was a far more nefarious reason between his legs that he was trying hard to ignore. Dan nodded, reaching down to pick up the silky panties, his face frighteningly close to Phil’s own secret in his pants, and suddenly Phil suddenly couldn't help himself. Before his mind could catch up with his words, he was blurting the sentence out. “Have you always worn those under your trousers? Cause that's kinda sexy.”  After he'd said it, Phil swallowed hard, regret roaring into his mind. Eyes wide, Phil snapped his mouth shut, waiting for Dan to slap him or something.

“I, uh… yeah,” Dan stuttered, pulling them back onto his legs. “They’re comfy, and I like the way they look on me.” Before he could second guess himself, Dan decided to use Phil’s words to his advantage. “You seem to like them too, huh?” Dan crawled into Phil’s lap and straddled him so that he could feel Phil’s bulge against his ass.

“Dan, I…” Phil’s heart began hammering as his suddenly frightened blue eyes locked on Dan’s. Within moments, Phio had gone from worrying that he'd lose his best friend, to realizing that his best friend must have a lot he didn't tell people. When the younger boy suddenly rocked into Phil, Phil swallowed, hands landing on Dan’s shoulders to hold him still. On the one hand, Phil was feeling increasingly turned on for reasons beyond his current understanding, but on the other hand this was his _younger innocent adorable childhood friend_ and just a few minutes ago Phil had been in the mindset that Dan didn't even know how to kiss correctly, let alone finger himself! Phil had to force himself the get the next statement out of his mouth. The words sounded like sandpaper, forced and rough.

“Dan, slow down. We need to talk about this. I know you've just turned 18 and all but that doesn't mean-” Phil cleared his throat nervously, trying to ignore his straining hard on and the foreign urge to grab Dan by the hair and lock their lips together. Even if he did like Dan, he knew he shouldn't treat him or anyone else like that. He'd never in a million years had any sort of thought like that about Lexi, so why in the world was he thinking like that about his _friend?_ He suddenly felt mildly ill. “What I mean to say is, you're sorta like a little brother, yeah? This…. This should feel wrong?”

“Does it?” Dan asked, looking at Phil’s lips. At Phil’s confusion, Dan laughed. “You just said this should feel wrong. It doesn’t have to.”

“Dan, I don't think you understand. You're just a kid,” Phil tried, wincing when Dan’s face fell a little. It seemed to work, though, so Phil pushed on, almost desperately. He wasn't sure if it was because this was his younger friend, because his own friends would beat Dan into a pile of mashed potatoes, or because there was something inside of Phil that he desperately wanted to ignore. “It's complicated, Dan. I don't know how much you know or don't know, I just know that you obviously you have some identity… Issues that you clearly need to work through, because you seem quite confused at what you actually want, and I… I have to...” Phil swallowed hard at the look on Dan’s face, and suddenly Phil couldn't finish his sentence, his throat closing up.

“I’m not a kid, and I’m not confused,” Dan growled. “I don’t have any issues I need to work through. I’m not five anymore, Phil, I can make my own decisions!” He angrily climbed out of Phil’s lap and pulled on skinny jeans, leaving them unbuttoned around his hips. “Go home, then. I know what I want, and when you can figure out what you want to do without a bunch of bullshit excuses, come talk to me.”

“Dan,” Phil whimpered, his face pale against his stark black hair. Suddenly he didn't seem to fit his ensemble, and he looked smaller for a moment. When Dan started marching out of the room, however, Phil suddenly leaped up, snatching Dan’s wrist. Dan simply glared up at him challengingly, and in another moment Phil had him pinned to the wall. “Look, I don't need this attitude from you, Dan. Is this what you want? Is this what you were imagining when I walked in on you? Were you wishing those hands were mine?”

Phil glared down at Dan, when suddenly alarm bells went off in Phil’s head again. Their faces were close, their breaths intermingled, yet Phil forced himself to relax, his grip on Dan loosening. “Dan, no, this isn’t… What I want should matter… I don't want to hurt you, Dan, and I'm afraid that… I just mean… Dan, are you actually okay with this?”

“You’re stupid,” is all Dan said, and tilted his head to the side, leaning forward to press his lips against Phil’s and trying to grind his hips forward, but being pinned down enough that he couldn’t, so he just whined against Phil’s mouth. “You don’t need to ask at this point.”

“You don't need to tell me what I should and shouldn't do,” Phil replied hotly. He gave Dan a very serious, very intense glare, as if he was almost looking through Dan, studying him, studying the situation, calculating and evaluating, before finally he nodded. “If you want me to stop, just tell me.”

And with that, Phil suddenly descended on Dan, rocking against his and pushing their mouths together. He moved to hold both of Dan’s wrists in one hand, pinning them above his head, while the other hand cupped Dan’s neck, playing with the small curly hairs there, and then grasping tightly, tipping Dan’s head into the right position.

Dan bit back a sound of pleasure when Phil’s lips moved down to his neck- it had always been sensitive, and now Dan knew why. He wasn’t innocent by any means, but he was a virgin, and right now he felt like he was in for a world of pleasure. “Fuck, Phil,” he managed to get out, struggling to get more friction than Phil was giving him. “Wanna- please,” he added.

“Please? Always so polite, always such a good boy,” when Phil said it, he meant it innocently, but somehow in this situation, that statement had lost any and all former innocence. Biting Dan’s lip, Phil moved his hand down to tease at the top of the silky fabric, before he he slipped one hand inside Dan’s panties, hand moving first slowly, and then faster, fingers teasing all over Dan.

“Feels good,” Dan moaned, letting his head fall back against the wall with a dull thud. “Phil, let me- let me touch you,” he pleaded, practically melting against the wall.

Hesitating for only a moment, Phil released his grip on Dan, though he kept his hands flat on the wall, pressed to either side of Dan. He watched in absolute awe as Dan pulled Phil’s clothes open, and then there was a moment of silence as Phil watched with careful calculation, wondering what Dan would think to do next.

Dan sunk to his knees and pushed down Phil’s jeans, now face to face with the bulge in Phil’s boxers. He mouthed over it through the fabric, teasing Phil, and looked up at him with his wide eyes. “I- Phil, You… You have to tell me what you want me to do,” Dan said with uncertainty, fingers playing at the waistband of Phil’s boxers.

“It looks like you already know what to do,” Phil’s voice rumbled, hardly sounding recognizable with how it had deepened with need. His hands wound into Dan’s hair, stroking gently for a moment, before holding Dan securely. “No teeth, fold your lips back, that's a good boy. Now, just an hour ago I wouldn't have said this, but at this point, I think you know more than you'd ever let on. I bet you sit in class, a perfect straight A student, always polite and good, and yet underneath it all you're wearing lacy silk panties, just waiting to get fucked.”

Dan hummed in agreement, pushing Phil’s boxers all the way to where his jeans are pooled at his feet. “You’re big,” he said dumbly, and kissed the tip before taking Phil into his mouth and starting to move up and down, gagging a little bit and pulling back. He looked up at Phil with wide eyes. “Was- was that okay?”

“Yeah, that… That was fine,” Phil gasped out, his own head tipped back, eyes closed as his breaths came quickly. “Don't stop, move!”

“Okay,” Dan squeaked and wrapped his lips around Phil again, inhaling sharply through his nose when Phil’s hips snapped forward into his mouth.

“Hey, hey, try to widen your throat,” Phil forced out, pushing his own pleasure aside when he heard Dan’s worrying gasp. Looking down, Phil began petting Dan’s hair comfortingly. “Open up your throat, push your tongue flat, can you do that for me? That's a good boy. Now keep it like that! You can lick with your tongue a bit if you need to.” And with that, Phil rocked several more times into Dan’s mouth, however he bit his lip when he saw several involuntary tears leak out of the corner of Dan’s eye as he gagged slightly. Phil gently wiped the tears away and then pulled out just in time to release onto Dan’s lips, petting through Dan’s hair. “That was your first time wasn't it? You did good for your first time. Good boy, Dan.”

Dan blushed and just leaned against Phil’s thigh, one hand reaching down to palm himself, since he hadn’t gotten to come before Phil interrupted and he’s been achingly hard for too long. He lazily licked the cum off of his swollen lips and and looked up at Phil pleadingly.

“Come here, Danny, poor boy,” Phil hummed, leading Dan over to the bed where Phil took Dan onto his knee. Moving lazily, Phil flicked his hand up and down Dan’s shaft, his hand moving gently and lovingly, until quite suddenly he sped up and then Dan came with a soft cry, Phil kissing the top of his head. “What cutie, Danny, you're so adorable.”

“Phiw,” Dan slurred as he cuddled into Phil’s warm chest, eyes fluttering shut. He’s too tired to bother trying to get dressed again, or even help Phil clean up the cum on his stomach and Phil’s hand. All he managed to do before falling asleep is grab Phil’s shirt tightly to keep him there.

“Oh, Danny,” Phil hummed, biting his lip and gazing down at the far too innocent looking boy with soft, curling hair and yet driblets of cum on his chin. Snatching an already dirty t-shirt, Phil tenderly cleaned Dan up, before hurrying to clean himself up, and then stared at Dan again, wondering over what had just happened. They were going to have a long talk when Dan woke up, but for now Phil tucked him in with the covers up to his chin and went down for dinner, saying that Dan was already asleep.

During dinner, three thoughts kept rushing through Phil’s head, creating a tornado of worry. The first thought was that he just practically fucked his childhood friend, the second was that he had cheated on his girlfriend and enjoyed it, and the third was that his friends would be arriving in just a day or two, and if and when they saw Dan, things would take a turn for the worse.

***

Dan woke up alone in bed, Phil nowhere to be seen. He fought back tears and decided to take a shower, since it usually helped him calm down and think things through. This time was no exception, since he was able to take a deep breath and fully absorb what had happened as the hot water ran over him. He just blew his _totally platonic best friend who he isn’t gay for_ , and then said friend jerked him off. Something about that doesn’t bother him as much as it should, and _Oh my god, Lexi_. Phil has a girlfriend.

Suddenly, Dan’s phone started ringing loudly from the counter, declaring that Phil was calling him. Scrambling to reach the phone without electrocuting himself or getting water damage on one of his most precious objects, Dan picked the phone up at the last minute.

“Oh, hello,” Phil’s voice came onto the line. He sounded surprised that Dan had picked up, and there was a long, awkward moment of silence before Phil spoke again. “So, uh, I guess you're gay after all? Or bi? Or something. I think I'm or something but I haven't figured out what yet.” Phil gave an awkward coughing laugh.

“Look, Phil, I’m sorry,” Dan said softly. “I shouldn’t have… you have a girlfriend Phil, we crossed a line.”

“Yeah I know, same,” Phil cleared his throat. Dan could just imagine him running his hand through his dark hair as he searched desperately for the words he wanted to say. “But, uh, if it makes you feel any better, for some reason it felt a lot more natural with you than it ever did with her. Not that I've hardly done anything with her! I mean, that's the point, I've never wanted to do anything with her… I don't know what to think. But that's only part of the reason why I called. Dan, you're a really sweet kid, and I do care about you, and I don't want you to get hurt… We need to pretend like what happened last night never happened. It's not because I do or don't like you, it's just… Dan, I have these friends coming to visit and… And I, well they're not always the nicest to new people, and I'm not sure they'd, uh, be the nicest to you…”

“Yeah, no, I completely get it. You’re with Lexi, and your friends are really important to you, and- yeah, it’s fine. That’s fine.”

Dan hung up the call and set his phone on the counter, plugging in his straightener. As he ran his curls through it once it’s heated up, he started to actually think about his _platonic best friend_ who he just did dirty things with. Dan dropped the straightener in shock when it finally occurred to him that he’s gay, and he liked Phil. He managed not to burn himself when he picked up the straightener, but he was shaky as he finished his hair and still very much so when he crawled into his bed, naked, and threw Phil’s jacket to the floor.

Dan’s phone lit up with a text from Phil, and then another, and another, and suddenly his phone screen was filled with texts from Phil. For a moment he ignored them, however when the texts kept appearing he could help but glance over and read through them.

_Dan, why'd you hang up? Can I call you back?_

_You know it isn't like you think_

_I don't even know what to think, but I don't want to just blow you off, I do care about you, you just don't get how my friends are_

_Like… They're like me but tougher. I'm just friends with them ‘cause we have some similarities and we’re there for each other in hard times, but they aren't always the nicests_

_You get that right?_

_I don't want them to know but it's because of them not you. Okay?_

_Dan, ru there?_

_Seriously, I’m not saying that what happened is okay and fine, but like let’s not get all dramatic over it? Please?_

_Dan?_

_Please can we talk?_

_Can I come over?_

_Dan, I'm really sorry if I upset you or something, are you okay?_

At some point, Dan had started crying. He shut his phone off and tossed it across his room, then turned over to lay facing his bedroom wall and not the rest of his room, which was filled with pictures of Dan and Phil and various things of Phil’s, like jackets, shirts, and other items that had been forgotten over the years.

Meanwhile, Phil was staring at his own phone, his heart beating wildly and his lashes slightly moist. Every text he sent over seemed to make the whole thing sound worse, but Phil didn't know what to do. He should have stopped Dan, he shouldn't have given in. Why did he even think of giving in? He should have been the bigger person. And now, to his utmost horror, he felt his affection slipping away from his girlfriend and slipping towards Dan. Phil had held Lexi’s hand and given her little pecks on the cheek, even had a slightly awkward make out session, but he hadn't ever felt a longing toward her like he'd felt toward Dan last night. Like a sudden slap to the face, he realized he didn't care about her the way he cared about Dan.

When his phone suddenly buzzed, Phil jumped with excitement, but the text wasn't from Dan, it was from his friend Mike. Sighing, Phil opened the text, and his stomach dropped. His friends were arriving earlier? Eyes widening, Phil threw on clothes, and then looked out his window to where Dan’s blinds were tightly closed. He'd have to deal with Dan later, and instead he began fixing up his room before dashing out of the house and heading to the bus stop where they were supposed to meet.

Waking up a couple of hours later left Dan still sad and upset, so he decided to walk to the park to keep trying to get his thoughts in order. It was cold outside still, but Dan didn’t want to put on Phil’s jacket. Instead, he wore his favorite baby blue jumper and white jeans, adding a flower crown at the end. Head down, Dan snuck out of the house and began his solemn walk to the park, clinging to the hope that it would help him clear his mind.

When Dan arrived at the park, he heard laughing and talking, but he didn't bother to look up, and instead he just trudged along, willing to fade into the background while someone else made more use of the park. Dan’s mind was so filled with gloomy thoughts, his eyes on the ground, that he didn't notice who it was that he was sharing the park with, until a shout caught his attention, Dan looked up, and he paled.

Lounging on the swings was a group of boys perhaps a year or so older than Dan, but their dyed hair, leather jackets, spiked jewelry and combat boots made Dan shiver, just a little. Though Phil wore similar clothing, these boys somehow seemed to embody an aura that Phil never had. Eyes scanning the group, Dan counted five, yet when he looked closer, he felt his heart drop. Phil was among them, sitting near the back and looking just as threatening as he did nervous.

“Shit,” Dan muttered, and turned away, trying not to be noticed.

“Hey! Fuck are you wearing, faggot?” one of the boys screamed, making Dan shut his eyes as he continues to walk.

“Aw, he’s too proud to talk to us!” Another one cried, launching himself up and moving to block Dan’s path. “Hey! Hey don't ignore me.”

The others looked on, watching the scene with bitten lips and sideways glares, all of them snickering, except for Phil who simply forced out a single nervous laugh.

“C’on lads, we don't need him, why don't we head over to the creek. I know a cool place,” Phil spoke up, his voice sounding dark and calm, the opposite of how he was feeling.

“Why would we do that when we could play right here?” Another boy spoke up, standing and making his way over to Dan. When he got close he shoved Dan lightly, not enough to knock him down, but enough to make him stumble.

“Fuck off,” Dan mumbled, stepping around Phil’s friend and continuing to walk, until one pushed him hard enough to actually fall over, and then a few different boys are kicking Dan. He curled up to try and protect himself, but he could only do so much. Dan’s eyes were shut for the most part, but when he opened them, he was able to see Phil. He mouthed, “help,” but Phil didn’t move.

“He's not even trying to fight back, the little fairy!” One of the boys cackled, bending down to Dan’s height. The other backed off, watching with eager eyes, while Phil shoved his hands in his pockets nervously. “Look at me, faggot. I bet you're enjoying this, aren't you? All this attention?”

“Hey, guys, seriously,” Phil let out a nervous laugh. “Can't you see he's had enough?”

“Nah, he's fine, aren't you?” The boy closest to Dan suddenly pinched Dan’s cheek, before suddenly he slapped Dan, tears prickling Dan’s eyes. “Aw look, now we’ve made him cry! Why don't you cry for help? You know no one's going to come for someone like you.”

“Dillon, seriously, I get it, but stop it,” Phil suddenly spoke, his voice deepening. “Can't you see you're scaring him half to death?”

“That's the idea,” Dillon chuckled, before suddenly his lips were pressed to Dan’s.

Dan started shoving at Dillon’s shoulders, trying to push him away, but he was a foot shorter and a good 50 lbs lighter than Dillon, so it did nothing. He screamed when Dillon stopped kissing him in favor of shoving a hand into Dan’s skinny jeans and saying more horrible things.

“Someone help me! Get off of me! HELP!”

Shaking his head, Dan kept trying to move Dillon but remained unsuccessful, until suddenly Dillon was gone. Slowly, Dan opened his eyes, and foze because Phil had lifted Dillon not just off of Dan, but into the air by the collar of his shirt.

“I said, stop it,” Phil spat, and then with all the force he could muster, he punched Dillon square in the jaw, before letting him drop. “And that goes for the rest of you. I don't care what you think is a joke, or fun, but that's neither. Dan isn't a play thing, and neither is anyone else. Do you understand?” One of the boys stepped forward, and suddenly Phil pulled out his pocket knife. “You know I don't like to use this, but I will use it on the next person who takes a step forward. You've seen me practice, but sure, if you want a fight, then I'll fight, but I'll win.”

“Let’s go,” Dillon grumbled, walking away, and rubbing his jaw, everyone else following behind.

Still on the ground, Dan curled up and tried to calm down, but he was hyperventilating and he couldn’t seem to snap out of his fear. Phil came toward Dan, but he just flinched away, trying to make himself as small as possible.

“Hey, hey I'm not going to hurt you,” Phil murmured, gently reaching forward to place his hands on Dan’s shoulders, yet Dan scurried away, fear in his eyes. Biting his lip, Phil shed his leather jacket and took off his lip ring, holding one hand out like you'd approach a frightened animal. “It's just me, Phil, I promise I won't hurt you. Dan, it’s just me. Shhh, shh, it's okay. It's going to be okay, just Phil. They're gone, Dan. Hey, you with me, Danny?” Phil now had his arm on Dan’s shoulder, the younger boy gazing up at him with frightened, red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Phil reached out to wipe at the tears, his touch unbelievably gentle.

“So _now_ you care,” Dan sniffed, but didn’t pull away this time.

Phil did eventually step in, sure, but he didn’t until it went too far. He didn’t do anything until Dillon was literally groping Dan, right after five boys way bigger than Dan were beating him. Now, Dan couldn’t decide whether to be angry with Phil or grateful, or some combination of both. He started to cry again, refusing to look Phil in the eyes.

“Dan, oh Dan I'm so sorry,” Phil hiccuped softly, forcing back his own tears as the reality of the situation crashed down upon him. Dan had been beaten, hurt, and things could have gotten so much worse, and Phil had stood by and done nothing. Hiccuping again, Phil swiped at his own cheeks, determined not to lose face, and he hugged Dan gently, rubbing his back. “Dan, I'm so sorry, so, so sorry. I didn't want to lose my friends, but I'd lose them a hundred times over losing you. Dan, I've been thinking, and it wasn't until yesterday or today that I realised how much I do care about you. I mean, I've always cared about you as a friend, but now I'm thinking there may be more, and then this happened! Dan, I'll never stand by like that again. I promise. I don't care who it is, or what's happening, I'm not going to stand by and let anything happen to you. I genuinely care about you, Dan. I've always said that I love you like a brother, and yet… Maybe it's not like a brother that I love you like…” Phil broke off with a gulp, attempting to lift Dan’s chin so the younger boy would look him in the eyes.

“I love you too, but- Phil, I need time, you understand that, right?” Dan whispered.

“I… Of course,” Phil swallowed, looking down at his hands. “Um, I think I'm going to break up with Lexi, by the way. In case you were wondering. Um, I don't think it's right to date her. I'd feel like I was leading her on. After all, I don't think she's the one I want to be dating.” Phil looked away, fiddling with a loose sleeve on his jacket. “We- actually just I- really fucked up, didn't I?”

Dan ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, yeah, you did. But… I… I can forgive you, just not right away. I’m going home, I want to get out of these clothes.” He started to turn away, but then stopped. “Before I…” Dan stood up on his toes to kiss Phil’s cheek. “Right then. I’m going to go.” He wiped tears off of his cheeks and began to run home.

Phil watched him, pressing a hand to his cheek where Dan’s lips had just been. He felt warm and cold at the same time, and then suddenly he found himself curled up beside the tree where Dan and Phil had always hidden their snacks. The remains of the fire ring were just feet away from him, and Phil reached out to trace one of the rocks with his fingers.

This is where Dan and Phil had grown up, where they'd formed their bond, it used to be Phil’s favorite place on Earth. Now it felt like the place where Dan and Phil had lost everything, and suddenly Phil didn't care about saving face anymore. Phil’s head made its way to his knees, Phil was sobbing at first softly, and then loudly as he tried to think about anything else, yet it seemed that his mind was focused on Dan, and Dan alone. He knew it was getting late, but Phil didn't feel like going home yet. The cold seeped into his skin, but it seemed to almost wake him up again, forcing him to raise his head. Looking around, Phil realised that it was dark outside, and he grabbed his jacket and wrapped himself tighter in the dark leather. And yet, maybe if it wasn't for his leathers, for his dyed hair and piercings, maybe Phil wouldn't have been in that stupid gang in the first place. Angrily, he threw the coat aside, wrapping his arms around himself, and shivering as the first drops of snow landed on his nose.

Once he got home, Dan got in the shower, not bothering to undress, because he didn't want to look at the bruises he knew were there. When he got out, he stripped and redressed as quickly as possible, tossing his sweater, jeans and panties in the garbage in the process. He put on clothes Phil had left at his house over the years- boxers that were too loose on Dan’s hips, baggy sweatpants, a worn band tee shirt, and Phil’s jacket. He felt safer than in his own clothes, because it was them that had caused Phil’s friends to attack him.

“Dan, honey, are you in there?” Dan’s mom suddenly knocked on the door. “Phil’s mum is going into a panic, have you seen him? It's snowing and he hasn't come home yet nor has he answered any of his calls. Do you know where he could be?”

“Last time I saw him was at the park…” Dan started to say, and bolted out of bed, remembering Phil dropping his jacket. He wouldn’t have thought to put it back on. “I know where he is.”

Dan shoved shoes onto his feet and sprinted out of the house, knowing exactly where Phil was. He slipped and fell once, scraping his hands and ripping holes in the sweatpants that exposed his knees to get cut as well. “Phil!” He yelled, slowing to jog as he got to the park. “Where are you? Your mum is worried about you, c’mon!”

Phil looked up from where he had his head in his knees when he heard Dan’s voice. He felt cold and sore, however his face lit up hopefully at hearing the voice of the younger boy. Struggling to his feet, Phil attempted to call back, but all that came out was a strangled cough and a whimper, his legs shaking so much he could hardly stand. After a moment, he tried again, his voice sounding small. Biting down on his tongue, Phil stumbled toward Dan, too cold to notice the tears frozen on his own face, or the ice making his black hair look almost shiny.

“Phil?” Dan finally saw Phil, unsteady on his feet, and ran over to him. “Jesus christ, Phil, you’re absolutely frozen.” He slotted his hand into Phil’s and began leading him home.

“I didn't want to come home,” Phil sniffled, tears gathering in his eyes again, his voice tiny and making him sound ten times younger. “I didn't want to leave our special spot.”

“You idiot,” Dan said quietly.

“I'm so sorry,” Phil said again, forcing back a little sob. “Are you okay? You look cold. Here, you can have my coat. Oh wait… I don't have my coat.” Phil shuddered against the cold, however he gazed at Dan for a moment in confusion and then frowned. “You're not in your clothes. You're in my clothes? How come? Your clothes are nice on you, you look pretty in them. My clothes are bad, they make you have mean friends. I'm sorry I had mean friends.” Phil coughed meekly, leaning heavily on Dan as he continued to shiver. “Don't be like me, Danny. Okay? Promise me? You're too good to end up like me. You're the good kid, so stay that way, don't end up like me. I'm nothing and you're everything.” And with that, Phil closed his eyes, teeth chattering loudly as he stumbled against Dan.

“No, don’t apologize right now, we need to get home,” Dan said angrily, wincing at how cold Phil was against him, as opposed to the heat he normally radiated. “What were you thinking, Phil? You could’ve gotten frostbite or something!”

“I… I dunno, I guess I didn't really c-care,” Phil shivered, closing his eyes tightly as he tried to focus on walking, despite how his knees wanted to collapse. “I'm s-sorry.”

“Stop saying sorry!” Dan yelled, grabbing the collar of Phil’s shirt and yanking him down to Dan’s eye level. He kissed Phil, despite the fact that Phil’s lips were like ice against his and the way Phils’ cold fingers pressed into Dan’s back. “Don’t you _dare_ do that again, Philip Michael Lester. Your mother does not need to worry that much- I don’t need to worry that much.”

“Oh,” Phil let out a small noise, his eyes widening. He awoke from his frozen trance with a sudden gasp, as if the kiss had broken down some sort of barrier. Blinking, Phil put the pieces of his numb mind together, and very slowly it registered that Dan was kissing him passionately. Pulling away for a moment, Phil’s icy blue eyes looked Dan up and down, a then a smile came onto his lips. “You came after me… Thank you, you didn't have to, you know. I mean, after what happened and all. I really am, uh, sorry. I couldn't face the idea of coming home, so I just sat there. Thank you, Danny.”

“Of course I came after you, no one else knew where you were. And you… you don’t have to thank me. Let’s go home.”

“Yes, I think that's the best idea either of us have had all day,” Phil agreed, reaching down tentatively to take Dan’s hand. His hand was warm against Phil’s cold one, and Phil couldn't help that feel like maybe Dan’s warm heart was going to help thaw the cold one that his so called friends had started creating inside of Phil.

Soon the lights of Phil’s house twinkled into view, and he almost headed inside, however he hesitated, and then pulled Dan under a small plant growing in the tree outside his house. Pointing upwards at it, Phil smiled. It was mistletoe.

“We always did bet, as kids, on who'd get to kiss under the mistletoe first. I guess we both win,” Phil smiled, before pulling Dan into a kiss, finally feeling warm.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot speak for EmrysBeard but I'm not accepting prompts -somanydestiel
> 
> We're on tumblr! @emywright-funpics @somanydestiel


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